Why do I like to be busy?
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Notice the nuance in that question. It’s not, why am I busy?
I know why we are busy beings and have that buzzy feeling. Society, expectations, capitalism, social media, addictive tech design, on and on.
The question is why do I LIKE to be busy?
Why do I like it even when I know it’s not always great? I don’t like the feeling of doing things back to back without downtime. And I hate rushing — it creates a sense of anxiety and pressure that’s so draining. I’m not a fan of go-go-go despite having a lot of energy.
And why do I keep busy when I constantly remind myself (as does my instagram feed lol) to slow down? When I start dropping shit or bumping into things, that’s when I know it’s time to slow.the.fuck.down. That’s my clear telltale sign.
So why don’t I slow down more? Why is there a preference to be busy? What’s underneath that?
My hypothesis: a fear of slowing down.
Fear 1.
Since I was a kid I witnessed a busy world. A person not so busy could be portrayed as lazy. While a busy person means a productive person. A person contributing to society. A worthy person! An important person!
Ah, there’s something. IMPORTANCE.
The belief may be if I’m not busy, then I don’t feel important or needed.
So the fear of slowing down is more like a fear of not feeling important. That’s a fear I’d go on a limb to say many feel even if they don’t know it.
Fear 2-5.
I also notice my resistance to slowing down (even when I like it lol) is not wanting to feel bored. What’s the fear behind that?
Do I feel like it means my life is boring? Which creates a tension for me as I want a full and adventurous life!
Is it the fear of feeling lonely? Slowing down does typically mean one is by the themselves. Maybe even at home which can feel isolating.
Or maybe it is the silence. What could come up in the silence? What questions or reflections? That’s an unknown and could be scary.
This is a chunky one. More than I thought is in this. The boredom, temporary feeling of loneliness, the thoughts that come up in silence. They’re all connected and are BIG feelings.
It’s like the fear is more of the BIG feelings and having to navigate that.
So here’s the thing (it’s time for a reframe)!
All of these reasons/hesitations/fears are rooted in feelings. The feelings I anticipate I will feel when slowing down. But anticipation isn’t reality. Feelings are temporary and very human. And lastly, I am important to me and the loving people I surround myself with. I’m intentional about living an authentic life and slowing down doesn’t change any of that. Slowing down actually adds to what I have!
Slowing down allows me to PRIORITIZE myself, reflect what my needs are in the silence, and do things that bring me joy.
Painting or drawing in my art studio/maker space is often done alone but I hardly feel lonely. I’m actually in flow. It’s a new thing and pretty fucking awesome!
This association of slowing down = unimportant, lonely, boring is not true at all. These are limiting beliefs actually getting in the way of living more fully. So if these associations come up and I feel hesitation, I can remind myself of what I wrote above. Slowing down allows me to PRIORITIZE myself in a world that wants me to prioritize others, things, and busy-ness.
And I just realized slowing down doesn’t even mean STOP. It’s just slowing the pace. Love it.
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Talk soon,
Coach Miche Miche
Journal Prompts
Do I slow down or pause often or is there resistance? Why?
What associations do I have with slowing down that’s stopping me?
Oh my! This resonates with my old self and, as one is never really done developing and issues have the annoying tendency to re-occur, with my current self as well. Thank you for putting it into words and being vulnerable on this weird place called the internet!